The Match Through History - From 300 B.C. to OMG!: Epoch - and Epic - Dating

Kirkus Reviews: "As previewed by the book's title, Nelligan shows that he has a playfulrelationship to language. He parodies the peculiar dictions of LinkedIn, Reddit, magazineprofiles, and, of course, the voices - real or imagined - of his notable subjects, such as formerChicago Bears coach Mike Ditka: "When you've been in as many locker-rooms as Iron Mikeyou know damn fast there are two types of men in this world: Mamas boys and winners." Ifreaders are charmed by the notion of reading Ditka's profile, they'll likely enjoy the rest of thebook, whose overall concept has promise.. For centuries, Western scholars have puzzled over the private lives of the most prominenteligible singles in history. Endless volumes are filled with their monumental leadership, political,philosophical and literary accomplishments. But the larger question looms:What about their dating lives? Who did they seek and why? Were they hot or not? Mostcompelling, what was in their online profiles?!. Now we know.. Piecing together extensive archival records located in New York, Paris, Prague, and Fresno aswell as investigating Phoenician hieroglyphics and Instagram, our intrepid author reconstructsquasi veritas the dating app profiles of the some of the most socially needy bachelors andbachelorettes of the past 23 centuries. Revealed here is a psychological panorama of longings -hopes, dreams, pettiness, and yes, "likes" Amongst the findings, we learn:. * Forsaken to spinsterhood in Puritan Amherst, Emily Dickinson (screen name EmmyD69) longed for Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right.* A a dichotomized adolescence in the bad-boy corridors of Greenwich Country Day School ledBiggie Smalls, aka The Notorious BIG, to seek a Goldman Sachs equity partner with a "tightbooty shizzle."* Seeking to complement her INSP Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Joan of Arc looked only for "amajor-league EFSJ with Socionics Te, natch."* Henry David Thoreau (aka Walden Hunkster) desired a "maiden not afraid to get her petticoatsdirty on my exquisite 14 acres of waterfront with its 40-foot dock."* Virginia Woolf was firm in her conviction that "I am not a person. I am a collection ofchoices."Previously wounded in love, lonely in life, defeated in the commercial battlefield space andvictims of London publishers, Tweet storms, Russian emigre snobbery, Asian land grabs, Saudibusinessmen, and feckless peasant plagues and revolts, our match seekers persevere.Fundamentally, the profiles here go to the core of the historic courtship dilemma: Swipe left orswipe right?Conversely, we also learn of the dark side - the games, the filters, the posers and playas and thebitter laments: "I BLOCK all Romans!;" "Pray thee lassies, only daguerreotypes within the lastfive fortnights;" "No King Henry VIII supporters and their MBGA hats!" "ContextualizedFreudians can swipe left!". For our stalwarts, the past is yesterday and tomorrow a scroll away. Opposites attract oppositesattract opposites muses Kim Jong-un. Or as Charlotte Bronte says, "I will wait forever for thee.Just don't take too long.". "Meet Someone New" is not just a 21st Century trademark - it's a primal scream echoing across23 centuries of dating apps. With this slender volume, we now glimpse anew the eternal quest forcompanionship and how love was sought and found. It begins, as always, with a ❤️