Being Found: Healing the Very Young Through Relationship and Play Therapy

The goal of the therapist is to find the child. When we have found the child, the child has also made an attempt at being seen. So there we are, face to face with the obstacles and disturbances between us. The child has made some kind of meaning-filled decision to come out and find us. In this space between, this joint, we are charged with holding still and listening for the many forms of nonverbal language the child may use to speak about their hurt. Premature efforts on our part may add static that pushes the child back, away from us. We will be tested in similar ways that the infant needed to test the integrity of an adult, when they cried out with their sharp and sudden needs.

This book explores when something has gone wrong. But more so, ultimately it is about righting the relationship through the same trust a child requires at birth. When harm has occurred, the psyche endeavors to defend the self from annihilation by concealing it for the sake of protection within deep unconscious regions of the psyche. In this hidden place, the child suffers somatically and emotionally until the lost aspects can be safely found and re-embodied. In this, the child and the therapist enlist a third entity, the Us in the relationship, to reclaim lost aspects of psyche, or Self. Several chapters explore what us means to the child, with the child's expressions revealing this need for mutuality.

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Dott Kelly has worked with children for 45 years, dedicated to finding their own in-roads to their experiences. She has been a child mental health therapist working with young children and their families for about 35 years. In 1999, Dott founded Jumping Mouse Children's Center, focused on children ages 21/2 through 12. She expanded her emphasis on young children while training and supervising over 60 therapists. Dott was recognized by Sandplay Therapists of America for her training in in-depth work of sand, symbol, and metaphor.Trained in Sexual Assault programs, she has mentored domestic violence advocates working with children. Dott has consulted in school programs, in interagency meetings with state Child Protective Services, and in court systems. She teaches workshops in clinics and universities about infant trust, trauma, development, and working with the very young. Read more Continue reading Read less